what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
