some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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