This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
send nudes
from the living room?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
