yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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