The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
