I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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