I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
