She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
