he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
