she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
