I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
