Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
