My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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