Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
