I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
