why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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