She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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