I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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