went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
