I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
