shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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