if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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