captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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