Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
