He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
