Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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