I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
