What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is my gift to your gina
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
