i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
