some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
