I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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