Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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