I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
