porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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