Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
