Sponge bath it is.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
