it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
