he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
