careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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