Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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