so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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