why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
