im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
