One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
