omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
