at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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