She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
