Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
