I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
