How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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