can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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