clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
