Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
