Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
