If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
