the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
