I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
