Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
