Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
