I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
