Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
