Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
