I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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