Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The adults are the big ones right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
