Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
