I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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