end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
