I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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