I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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