my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
