like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
