Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
