I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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