I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
