Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
