Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
