how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
