i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
