I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize