How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
