May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
