Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
