are you still at the devil's house?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
